Microsoft Patents Ones and Zeroes

Unexpected development shakes up computer industry

REDMOND, WA: In what CEO Bill Gates called an unfortunate but necessary step to protect our intellectual property from theft and exploitation by competitors, the Microsoft Corporation patented the numbers one and zero Monday.

With the patent, Microsoft’s rivals are prohibited from manufacturing or selling products containing zeroes and ones unless a royalty fee of 10 cents per digit used is paid to the software giant.

Some other patents that Microsoft owns:

Wall Street reacts to MS Patent News.

This report was written by The Onion